I have a few questions. What the hell am I doing? Who am I? Why am I here? What do I want out of life? Shouldn’t these be the questions that I already have the answers to? Shouldn’t I know at least a half ass answer to this? Maybe. But I don’t. And I think that’s what really frustrates me.Because the worlds is yelling all of these things that I’m supposed to be and what I’m supposed to do and trying to get me to become my “perfect” self. But the thing is, I don’t know who my “perfect” self is. I’ve made so many mistakes, I don’t think I could ever get remotely close to the perfected highlight reel other people broadcast. And I know perfect is an idea. I know that nobody is ever going to be perfect, except for our good Lord & Savior Jesus Christ. But yet we still aim for it. It really is a great philosophical question. Knowing that no one is perfect, nor will anyone ever be perfect, why do people still aim for that shit? Like it’s some attainable thing; when it’s more like the carrot in front of the horse. Maybe it’s the thing that keeps us going. Maybe it’s the thing that helps us run our race. But what if that’s not the race that I’m trying to run anymore?
I think it’s a lot of us out there that really don’t give a fuck about the carrot dangling in front of us anymore. We’re tired of running day in and day out to get this damn carrot. We over here out of breath and still ain’t caught the shit. I mean, who wouldn’t get tired of that? Now, you have some people who are overachievers and will take their last breath trying to catch that carrot. Me? I decided to stop running and say fuck that carrot.
The carrot isn’t supposed to be caught any.damn.way. So instead of chasing perfection…instead of trying to know every single thing about me and become some superwoman who slays the day every single day…I’m deciding to say fuck that shit. I’m real. I’m a real ass human being who has real ass flaws, with real ass problems, with real shit that I’m going through. And I’m really trying to figure it all out.
And if you’re real, and you’re tired of chasing perfection, then stay tuned. I have a lot of great stuff coming for those who are ready to put perfection behind them and embrace realness. This isn’t your typical blog. This is blog is a real life diary. It’s called “My Journal” because that’s exactly what it is. I want to use my journey and my real life experiences of what I have really gone through to help you get through the same thing.
And that doesn’t always mean I’ve gotten through it. But dammit, community is everything. And community is all we got if we’re going to get through it.
So enjoy the ride…